Well hello, fancy seeing you here again, have you come for the entertainment. After the previous weeks poor showing, I'm surprised you returned. But hopefully I'll make this weeks blog post at least a little bit entertaining. So where do we start this week, well funny you should ask that, as that's a question that I have been asking myself all week. And more importantly how did we end up here! I'm not talking about the birds and the bees, we all know that a bird makes love with a bee and gets stung and dies, at least in my experience it does, no what I'm actually on about is my new hobby. It's not an intentional hobby, or even a creative one, in fact if anything it's quite time consuming and definitely annoying. What is this hobby, it's Wikipedia surfing. What usually happens is that I look up an article about something that I'm interested in, or need to research, and after a million different pages, I end up at a completely different and irrelevant article. The worst part about this is that I often wonder how the hell I got there, and can't seem to logically trace my path. Maybe i should write some sort of Internet surfing flowchart, so I know what the hell I've been doing when I find myself still sat at the computer 4 hours after I started. I would imagine it would make fascinating reading, either that or completely pointless and time consuming. For next weeks blog I'll hopefully try and map one out for you all to read.
Going to the shops will never be the same
One of my American friends came up with a throwaway comment this week and called me "Extreme Dean", this set my mind racing with the possibilities that this could present. So with a little thought and some of my patent madness thrown in, I've come up with a future feature for the blog, but in the medium of video. Bear with me on this while I explain the concept. Extreme Dean will be short video skits featuring me "Dean" doing everyday tasks and jobs, the only difference is that I'll try to do them as extreme as possible. Imagine seeing me washing the dishes, but in an extreme style, with scolding hot water, or using half a bottle of washing up liquid, imagine EXTREME. I'm even having the artwork designed as we speak for the videos, so keep an eye out on our you tube channel for the first instalments of "Extreme Dean". You never know I might even make more than 3 videos before I get bored of the idea, or I don't have time anymore (I thought I'd mention this to save you all the bother of commenting)
Nearly finished
Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while (And if you haven't, they are all available in the archive section, so get reading) you will remember that I used to be Doncasters top paper folder, well times have progressed and I no longer fold paper in my spare time, I now have turned my constructive talents to building massive project in minecraft. As you can see from the image, my last complete project was the Starship Enterprise NCC1701A, you can find a full video tour of the ship on the gamer 4 life you tube channel, linked above. For the record, I never designed the build, it was built from a schematic that I downloaded. I'm currently on with another project which will be revealed later. The point of all this rambling (There actually is one this week) is that instead of the papercraft links that were on my download page, I'm going to put the minecraft schematics that I have built up there for other people to download and construct. Plus I'll put the link in for the program to read the schematics, so be sure to check the page and download your copy.
As a final treat for all my readers, seeing as how my last blog was so poor, here's one of my favourite Harlem shake videos for you all to look at, and ponder wtf.
That's it for this week, and I'll see you all again soon, and remember "if you're going to do something, do it extreme"
Toodles
Hello everyone and welcome to the latest edition of Deans Weekly blog, the blog that is technically named incorrectly, as last week I didn't write a blog post. I apologise for this oversight, and you can punish me accordingly, yes punish me! PUNISH ME! as an excuse all I can offer is that real life got in the way again, contrary to popular belief I don't spend my entire existence looking at pictures of cats on the Internets, and due to a rather messy house, and a shit load of washing and ironing with my name on it, last weeks blog never happened. This my friends is the joys of single life. On the plus side though, this past Thursday on valentines day I never had to run around like a mad man, trying to find the right gift for the love of my life. Then being in the doghouse because although you're a man, and you don't really do shopping or understand the subtle difference between things, you ended up buying the wrong shade make-up or the wrong perfume fragrance. I never had to try and get some flowers only to find that most places had sold out, and you could only get a few roses from your local petrol station, that frankly look as though they have been placed in petrol instead of water. I never had to try and find that card that says exactly how I feel about you, but end up picking one that ends up comically asking for a blow-job. No I never had to do any of these things at all. Is it a sad life being single, sometimes yes. But on days like valentines day, I'm quite glad I am.
Also this week it was the national institution that is pancake day, now I know that pancake day historically has its roots in the lent season, but I love the fact that they have their own national day, and virtually every household across the country dug the frying pans out and were making pancakes. Of course on the other hand, the fact that it was pancake day meant that all across the social networks, tosser jokes and pictures of pancakes proliferated. It's almost as big as the day itself, national make a tosser joke day. The greatest thing about this pancake day though, was that it gave me the opportunity to combine my love of pancakes, with my love of all things random on the Internet. For those of you out there that don't know me, or follow our gaming page Gamer 4 Life (And why don't you, if we have a zombie Apocalypse then you'll not be on the list of people to save, and you'll end up getting ravaged by hordes of flesh eating zombies) you may not have seen the Adventure Time video that has sparked an Internet phenomenon, bacon pancakes. Anyway after months of singing the bacon pancakes song, it was finally the opportunity to put it into practise and try them. Now for most Americans it probably doesn't seem strange at all, in fact I think that they eat them quite regularly as part of their breakfast routine, but for the English and their rigid ways, the mix of pancakes and bacon seems abhorrent. If it isn't lemon juice and sugar then we generally don't want to know, the fact that shops are filled with little squeezy plastic lemons for the whole month of February, but you can't find a tub of maple syrup anywhere shows how un-imaginative we are. Anyway I made some pancakes and had them with bacon, and the upshot of it all, they were absolutely gorgeous and will now form part of my yearly pancake routine. And after all this rambling, here is the video that started it all off.
Right I'm going to end this weeks blog early as I'm running out of time, I need to get the housework done before going to the gym this afternoon. So I bid you all farewell, and maybe next week I'll get up a little earlier and manage to get a full blog post written.
Wow another week has flown by and it's Sunday already, which must mean it's time for another addition of Dean's Weekly Blog, the blog that is in no way SEO optimised. Well what an interesting week I've had. On Wednesday I spent about three hours in our local A&E department (No not for me). Lewis has torn his knee ligaments whilst playing football, so the club stretchered him of the pitch and called and ambulance which took him to hospital. He'd been waiting for nearly two hours before I got there from work, and it was at least an hour and a half after I got there that he was seen. Now my major gripe here isn't with the NHS, I must admit that we have one of the best health care systems in the world. And my gripe wasn't with the staff, as it was clearly very busy that evening. My biggest gripe was with the patients. There seemed to be two major categories of patient sat in the waiting room. Those who were genuinely in agony, with dismembered body parts, or injuries. Or those that decided to go to their local A&E because the GP surgeries were shut, and they needed to renew their prescriptions for paracetamol. The point is that the major delays were caused by a lot of people who really didn't need to be there. So next time you cut your finger whilst slicing the carrots, don't go rushing to hospital because it's a major emergency, it isn't. It's a little scratch, put a plaster on it and man up. You aren't going to die, but you can stop those who genuinely have life threatening injuries from being left to wait for no reason.
Would you like a bag for that sir?
Also this week, whilst shopping I got accosted again by the scourge of the supermarkets. What am I talking about, I'm sure you've all met her. I mean the carrier bag Nazi. You know the ones I mean. You go to the checkout with a trolley full of shopping and they ask you if you have your own carrier bags, which lets be honest unless your my mum, no-one carries around twenty five carrier bags in case they want to do the weekly shop. So you have to ask for some carrier bags. Now normal till operators will just place a pile of carrier bags at the end of the checkout for you to fill with your shopping after it has been scanned. But the carrier bag Nazi will only give you three carrier bags, even though she can see the amount of shopping you have placed on the conveyor belt. And when you've filled those carrier bags with the first few items and have to ask for some more, she looks at you like you've asked to piss on her kids. I mean come on, it's not as if by giving me enough carrier bags to place my shopping in the company will go bust, The checkout assistant won't suddenly be fired for breaking the company carrier bag policy. The world won't spontaneously combust due to the amount of carrier bags you use. Besides what are the alternatives, what are you supposed to do with all your shopping? would you like some carrier bags sir?, No thanks, I'll just teleport them direct into my cupboards from here thanks! or maybe, no thanks I'll get my army of monkeys to carry all my shopping direct to the car, but thanks for your offer. NO, of course I want some carrier bags, how the fuck am I supposed to get my shopping out of the store without them!
I know it's not my usual sign of piece, but whilst trawling the internet this week, I came across this fantastic gif, and thought that I'd share it with all of you. It pretty much sums up everything so enjoy I did.
That's it for my rantings this week, why not join me again next week, when I'll probably get annoyed with something else and rage about it on the Internet. Peace out mother bitches!
Morning, and welcome to this weeks edition of the blog that everyone is talking about, well when I say everyone I actually mean just me, but I often agree with myself that it's quite good now and again. So this week has seen my start my life plan for 2013 in earnest. I've joined a gym and I've been twice already this week. I've been saying for ages that I could do with getting fit, and now I've actually started my regime. Don't get me wrong when I say that I'm aiming to have a body that would be welcome in the WWF, I'm looking more at a Giant Panda, than Hulk Hogan. Although I must admit, even at my age, I find wrestling entertaining, and before the Internet turns on me, no I'm not a mark. I know that professional wrestling is staged and scripted, but that doesn't stop me enjoying it and being an active part of the IWC. So I still have images in my mind of me being oiled up and flying from the top rope of a wrestling ring. It's never to late, even to this day Hogan is still in the ring. Just gotta keep at the gym!
Spreadsheeeeeeeeeit !
This week at work, I've proved an old wives tale completely wrong. The problem is I don't know how to go about changing it. The old wives don't have a website you can log on and edit the tales, like you can on Wikipedia. They don't run a magazine that gives you an address that you can write into to change the details of a tale. Hell who are the old wives anyway? if they were that important maybe they should have their own show in the daytime....... Thinking about it for a second isn't that what loose women is about. In fact maybe I've stumbled on to their secret identities and Jakki Brambles and co are in fact the old wives of legend who write these tales. Anyway I digress (again as usual), what am I talking about? Well I'm sure you've heard the old wives tale that masturbating makes you blind. Well it's wrong, the actual cause of blindness is excel spreadsheets. After pouring over multiple spreadsheets this week, I can honestly say that I've gone blind. It sends your eyes funny repeated use of the spreadsheet, and should come with a health warning. Whereas masturbation as far as I can tell is perfectly normal and harmless, unless you do it in public, but that's a different story. Anyway after all this rambling the point of the story is that next time your boss comes up and asks you to do a spreadsheet, say no! It's dangerous to my health, I could go blind instead I'm going to masturbate. I'm sure he'd understand.
You can see us in our new exhibition
Also this week I came across a news story that tickled me, no not the news that Mr Tickle is now doing web cam tickles on line, no this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-21166326 The Internet phenomenon that is the lolcats is now having it's own arty farty exhibition in that there London town. For those of you who aren't children of the Internet let me explain what lolcats are. The Internet it is often said is owned by cats, this is true in it's purest form by the amount of pictures of cats on the Internet. What the lolcat meme is all about is taking these pictures of cats and adding cute, spelt wrong text which usually insinuates that the cats are all powerful and rule the world. And on the Internet, they do!. Any way, I still think it's brilliant that Internet content is finding it's way into everyday life. What ever next? which Internets culture will invade everyday life next? we've had the trololol guy song in adverts, and now lolcat art exhibitions. Maybe it will be the grumpy cat talk show. In fact i recommend that BBC three commission it right now, it'd be better than half the crap they show on there!
Well that's me done for today, time to attack the pile of ironing that awaits before I go to the gym. And if I'm lucky maybe a figure four leglock on the gym gimp.
Bye !!
Good morning, or if you're reading this at a different time of day then good ......... (insert period of day here), and welcome to another edition of Deans Weekly Blog. So what's been happening this week in this crazy mixed up world? Well the first story of the week that grabbed my attention was the story about the woman that got more than she bargained for when she went to that famous high street chain of restaurants that likes to put Mc in front of their dishes on the menu. If you read the news then you will have seen the photo's of the newest item on the menu the McChickenhead. If you haven't I've posted the photo here for you to look at. The thing is you can clearly see that it's a chicken head. There is nothing else in the world that it could possibly be, so how did it end up in this poor woman's box of chicken nuggets. Think about it for a second. Someone has coated the head in breadcrumbs, someone has put the head in the fryer, someone has taken the head out the fryer, and someone has served the head with the rest of the nuggets. And this is the problem. This restaurant is well known for employing, shall we say, below average workers with the intelligence of the things that they are frying (Except chicken heads of cause because they are clearly smarter). While ever you employ retards things like this will happen. I'm all for helping the less fortunate, but not putting them in positions of trust when they clearly can't even get themselves dressed correctly, let alone correctly identify the parts of a chicken that should and shouldn't be coated and fried.
I'm not putting it in there no way!
This week I've been watching some documentaries on the TV, and I came across the possibly scariest animal that I've ever seen. No it's not a giant spider, that puts Boris (The big spider who used to live in the outdoor toilet block at my dad's garage, and used to pass you the toilet roll) to shame. No it isn't a snake with deadly venom that turns your insides into a milkshake. It isn't even a giant predator like a lion, or a tiger or a bear. What is it? I hear you ask (unless you've already looked at the picture and then you can see what it is) It's a Pacu which is a fish that is found mainly in south America and is a relative of the piranha. What makes this fish so scary though is the fact that it can grow to about 4 feet in length, it has human teeth that can tear and bite and it is slightly homosexual!. How can a fish be homosexual? I hear you ask (unless you've googled that question before) well lets just say that this fish has been know on numerous occasions to take a mouthful of cock every now and then. It apparently attacks the soft appendage, tears and bites the damn thing of leaving the person screaming in agony and bleeding to death. Now that's some scary shit (I bet that every man winced when I wrote that, and a few women too). I'm really glad I don't live in the amazon basin (and that isn't the washroom at the giant on line retailer, although I would imagine it could be quite a nice place to live with clean stalls, and a man who offers you a mint after you've had a pee) what with Piranha that can strip flesh off bone in seconds and the Pacu that has a taste, and likes to bite off gentleman sausages. I'm glad I live where I do, where the scariest thing you'll find in the river is a used tampon floating towards you.
#itssnowing
Also this week if you look out of your window you will probably see a lot of white stuff on the ground. Unless your Kate Moss, then it will be on the table next to the mirror. What I can never understand about this country is that you would think that it has never ever snowed before. It's all that anyone has talked about all week. Social media has been full of people discussing the pros and cons of snow, and the fact that it is snowing. It's been driving me mad to be honest. You know when you are put in an awkward situation with someone that you don't really know, so you chat about the weather etc. It seems the entire country has been doing that this week. Now I'm not bashing those people that have, it's more a rant against those that act as if they haven't seen snow before. Let me straighten a few things out for you all. We live in a relatively cold country as we are quite far away from the more temperate zones near the equator. Thus in winter it gets cold, which usually results in ice and snow. Hence countries further away from the equator are even colder and it snows even more there i.e. the poles. In the summer it gets warmer so you don't get snow. Simples and if you don't understand that, I hear that they are taking on staff at the restaurant that fries chicken heads.
That's it for this week, so until then keep safe and don't go in the water.
Hello everyone and welcome to 2013, the start of a brand new year. The best thing about the fact that it's 2013 is that we get to stick our middle fingers up at the Mayan doomsday calender and say screw you we're still here. Although I am tempted to sacrifice a teenage pop star to appease the gods. Talking about teenage pop stars, something very disturbing happened this week in the land of the Internet. As anyone who uses the Internet knows there are mainly two types of people who use the Internet. Trolls and 12 year old Justin Bieber fans. This week the two collided in a spectacular battle of the Internet that even got everyday folk and minor celebrities involved. Allegedly, and I do stress this as I don't want my shit hacking and placing all over the Internet. Allegedly a group of trolls from 9GAG decided to troll Justin Bieber fans on twitter about the fact that apparently the teenage pop sensation (not my words, I read it on the news site) had been caught smoking weed. They started the hash tag on twitter #cutforbieber basically insinuating that all the 12 year old fans should start cutting themselves in protest until Justin stopped smoking. It was a sick joke admittedly but I can see the humour behind it, suggesting that all the 12 year olds are stupid sheep and believe everything on the Internet, and are mistaken in the belief that somehow following a pop star on twitter means that one day they will get married and have children. The troll backfired though spectacularly as innocent people started wading in on the debate by suggesting that cutting for bieber was a stupid thing to do, and teenage girls shouldn't get so upset over their heroes actions. The point is, at this time none of them were actually doing it and it was just the trolls to start with. but with the intervention of the concerned citizens it started the hash tag trending till it reached the number one trend in the world. Of course by this time all the bieber fans that actually own twitter had got in on the act and started defending the right to mutilate themselves until their hero noticed them and married them. After about 8 hours of this going on, even minor celebrities were getting in on the act, imploring the 12 year olds to stop hurting themselves. It was one of the most comical exchanges I've ever read on the Internet although the subject matter was a little sick. The worrying thing about all this though is that all these girls, will be the future mothers of the next generation of children. and that worries me. If they are prepared to go to those lengths for attention. What does the future have in store for us?
One of the other things I've noticed this week, is that the power of the Internet has grown stronger. Internet exclusive trends and memes have now started invading popular culture, and even advertisements now. For years to be honest, companies have cottoned on to the fact that they can create viral videos on you tube that get caught up in the wave of popularity and get spread around the Internet, thus creating buzz for their products. But now this seems to have been flipped on it's head. Now marketing companies have taken massive on line trends and used them in external advertising, such as TV and radio. I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with this though. Being a child of the Internet means that certain things belong to us. The right to post pictures and talk endlessly about cats is an Internet thing. No it really is. If you talked to someone in real life about cats, or meowed at them you would be locked up and sedated. But on the Internet everyone is a cat, and if you don't meow, you must be some sort of weirdo or a paedophile. So when our beloved Internet content finds it's way into everyday life, it makes me a little un-easy. If you live on the Internet, you will have come across the trololol guy. It's a 1970's Russian singer that has taken the Internet by storm. The thing about the Internet is that things happen for no reason.So no-one actually knows why the trololol guy song is so popular, but it is. Anyway Butlins have taken the song and used it in their latest advert. Now most of you will think that there is nothing wrong with that. But in my mind (a scary place I know) things like this belong on the Internet, It's something that all us geeks can giggle about amongst ourselves without the general populace knowing what we're talking about. If you take that away from us, then we'll start boring you endlessly with the latest memes, and parodies that we've found. If you don't want this to happen, leave the cool content for us, don't steal our ideas. And for all you Internet fans out there. Here's trolol guy making a guest appearance in Family Guy.
Maybe it's beacuse I'm getting older, or maybe I'm just a grumpy cat, but recently my rage levels have been growing on a daily basis. I don't know but for some reason everything in the world seems to be annoying me recently. I drive to work in the morning and some idiot decides to pull out in front of me to save 3 seconds on his journey time and FFFFFFFFUUUUU the rage builds inside me like some sort of monster. I queue up in the local shop to but something and the guy in front of me at the counter decides to buy a 3 litre bottle of cider at 8 in the morning and pay for it with two pence coins and FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU. I'm sure one of these days one of two things is going to happen. Either I'm going to end up snapping and lauching a triade of abuse at everyone within earshot, or the most likely scenario is that my eyes will suddenly go white, my shirt starts suddenly ripping. and I start turning green. And the next thing you know Lou Ferrigno is standing in Day and Night purchasing a pack of cigarettes. Still this wouldn't be a bad thing at all. As after I've calmed down and turned back into me, I could walk of into the distance with my ragged clothes, playing the sad song that always used to play as Dr Banner walked of into the distance
Thats it from me this week. See you all again soon
Hello everyone, did you miss me?. No thought not. I've been away for a while, and not because I've been at Her Majesties pleasure. My original facebook account that was linked to this blog was shut down due to an unfortunate event involving a rather large pair of boobs, and some horses genitals. Please don't ask!. Anyway to cut a long story short, I wasn't able to access the blog for a while, and for various other reasons. I never got back round to posting, and for that I can only apologise. I can only imagine the trauma I heaped upon my thousands of fans, so I've taken it upon myself, to bring the blog back. So sit back, grab a drink and let me entertain you. Seeing as how it's nearly the end of the year, or maybe the new year as it depends when you are reading this (Remember time isn't linier, it's a big jumbled ball of timey wimey stuff) I've decided to write about my highlights of 2012. So where do I begin, it can only be one thing, being a creature of the Internet (No not a goblin, or a mage or anything like that) there has been one thing that has taken the Internet by storm this year, Gangam style. I don't think anyone on the planet hasn't seen the video of gangam style yet, If you haven't your either dead or living in some sort of 1800's style religious community where TV, radio and the Internet are all tools of the Devil. And you will probably burn in hell for even knowing what you tube is. (on a slightly unrelated subject there is a complete market that google hasn't learnt to advertise to, or maybe they have, they might have a fleet of horse drawn carts with billboard posters on roaming the communes advertising relevant products to the community like new scythes, and cotton head scarfs and pitchforks etc...) Anyway I'm rambling as usual, ah yes Gangam style, a video made by a slightly overweight Korean rapper, with the most ludicrous dance that anyone has ever seen, Apparently it's a sarcastic remark on an affluent area of Korea, a bit like Korea's version of Essex (Cue some bright spark starting the only way is Gangam). But we don't care about any of that we just like the part where he dances like he's riding a horse. Respect. If by some miracle your not one of the billion people that has already seen this video, here it is again. And besides it can't help but to link to the most popular video of all time can it.
I did, and probably still am
Also this year saw me fulfil one of my ambitions, and go to a gaming convention. Now those of you that know me, will no that I am a massive gamer, always have been. So when I got the chance to go to Eurogamer Expo 2012 at Earls Court in London town, I jumped at the chance. It gave us the chance to cover a major gaming event for the facebook page, play some pretty cool games before they were released, and the chance to go some developer sessions to see how games are designed and built. I can honestly say it was the best few days of my life, but it left me with two major lasting impressions. The first one is the lifestyle and the pace of a major city. Now where I live isn't really a backwater town at all, it's still a pretty bustling metropolis at the best of times, but compared to London, it's a different world. It was like living in a different time zone, and it appealed to my nocturnal nature. I loved the ability to randomly walk around at 11pm in the evening and be able to go into shops, have a drink in a bar, go play in the arcades. or just even have a coffee. it was fantastic. It's such a bustling city, there are more people out and about after midnight than I've ever seen out during the daytime in my home town. I just love that sort of pace of life, it seems like everything switches off at home after 6pm, but in London, everything is 24/7. Now I know that a lot of people don't like that sort of pace, and a lot of city folks would love to move to a quieter area. But I enjoyed that hustle and bustle and to be honest, I was rather sad to leave it all behind. The other thing that I took away from the Eurogamer Expo show was an unhealthy addiction to Mountain Dew. A rather strange thing to get addicted to I know, but let me explain. Mountain Dew was one of the major sponsors of the Halo 4 launch, so throughout the show, they had a stand with girls on handing out free shots of mountain dew in shot glasses to anyone who walked by. As you can imagine after walking round Earls Court for four days we partook in quite a few shots of the glowing yellow energy drink, Now the downside to all this, as you now is that Mountain Dew has been re-launched as an energy drink, and like all energy drinks, after drinking quite a lot, you normally end up wired and bouncing around the room of all four walls. This made for some rather amusing times whilst we were in London, but as we came down of our mountain dew fix, we just went back and got some more. So when we returned home, we suddenly found ourselves calling in at the local shop just to buy a bottle, because we were missing it. Then to make matters worse for our addictions they started running a competition to win a copy of Halo 4 by drinking Mountain Dew, so what did we do, yes we bought, and drank even more. Damn you and your fantastic advertising campaign, result one addicted person, on the plus side though I did win a free copy of the game (the first time I've won a competition) so it isn't all bad.
Even the Enterprise gets BSOD problems
Another of my highlights of 2012, is the decision by Syfy to start showing the entire series of Star Trek the next generation again in HD. This made my inner geek make a sort of cooing noise, like a camp pigeon. The best Star Trek ever, all 200 episodes shown back to back in HD, I mean come on. It couldn't get any better. I've even started to make Lewis watch some of the episodes in the hope that it will release the geek inside him, instead of being all cool all the time with his football etc, it would be nice for him to just shout out once in a while. "Fuck Yeah!" as Picard destroys the Romulan warship and fist pump the air in celebration. No oh well regardless, I intend to watch every single episode again, just for its sheer brilliance. And I don't care what the haters say about it.
So that pretty much rounds up my highlights of 2012, other than to say that during this year I made some incredible new friends, and I hope now that we have escaped the Mayan doomsday that we will have some more memorable highlights to come.
See you all next year as the blog returns to full strength, with more of the same witty ramblings and random pictures for your delight. In the words of Captain Picard
"Take us out of here ensign"
"Engage!"
